The Wildish Man

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Clarissa Pinkola Estes states in her book, "Women Who Run With The Wolves" that "there is no one a wildish woman loves better than a mate who can be her equal", and that if women want their men to truly know them, then they must teach their men some of the deep knowing. Clarissa also proposes women who say they are tired of trying to teach men the deep knowing, are women who are trying to teach men who do not care to learn. 
As I read those words, I saw in my mind's eye, the proverbial brick wall I was prone to bashing my head against in another lifetime, another relationship. It made sense. Wisdom I was not ready for back then (I could barely bring myself to read the story of Manawee, the Wild Man as told by Clarissa). Perhaps if I had faced up to the challenge back then, I would have better understood why I hurt so. Clarissa explains this by saying "Those who are not delighted by learning, those who cannot be enticed into new ideas or experiences, cannot develop past the roadpost they rest at now. If there is but one force which feeds the root of pain, it is the refusal to learn beyond this moment."
So what is the wildish man like? He is one who seeks out the dual nature of the wildish feminine, that he may know a wildish woman's whole. Such a man also possesses a dual nature, a human nature and an animal nature. His human self alone is not sufficient to stay pace with a wildish woman, he must use his instinctual, animal nature too. It is the animal self which has the tenacity and instinct to "burrow under walls and to find, to chase, and to retrieve valuable ideas". The wild man who wishes to learn, and is not easily deterred by what he discovers, returning repeatedly to understand, is a mate, or more accurately put, the mate, for a wyld womyn. 
According to Clarissa, the task of the wildish man is to discover the woman's true dual feminine nature, and to use that deep knowing to walk alongside her, rather than misuse such knowledge to seize power over her. He is to let this knowing "wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him". And he is to stay with it, as in the end both will be rewarded with a strong union of duality as a whole.
I have but touched upon this issue, so in closing I will leave you with two important tools to add to the wildish repertoire. The first one is "What do you want?". Asking this question of another, or oneself can aid in ascertaining what is wanted. However it does not address the dual nature and so must be used with the second tool, which is "What does your deeper self desire?". Together these two questions communicate "I hear you, I see you, I know you." And so thus the mating is complete, between the dual natures of  the wild woman, of the wild man, and of each other.

This blog post was published in
Whole Woman Magazine, December 2012

Fuck Australia Day.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Here's some history on Invasion Day.

Seriously. After knowing the truth of Australia's colonisation invasion, how can one in good conscience, celebrate Australia Day?

The normalising of the abnormal

Sunday, January 1, 2012
A toothbrushing epiphany:

After raising two children within the blurry fog of domestic violence, the experience of raising another child outside that has been a normalising of the abnormal. How strangely alien this process has been. Each time I experience a hefty whack of normal, I have epiphanies about how removed from life I was, living with an abuser.

Take toothbrushing for instance. What could possibly be so exciting about toothbrushing? A baby's first toothbrush session that is what! I was talking to Shae about brushing her teeth before bed when the older two heard me and just came rushing in to the bathroom. Kalea and Tyger looked so animated, faces flushed with excitement and were ready to be COMPLETELY INVOLVED in Shae's first toothbrushing experience.

That is when it struck me. Being totally and completely interested in being involved in your child's journey is something I never had the pleasure of sharing with the ex. Whether he was incapable of it or just not that interested, or both, it wasn't normal. It saddens me how the abnormal became normal for me over these seven foggy years.

Shae is precious. She has given me the opportunity to normalise the experience of mothering and raising a child. Kalea and Tyger are precious. They have given me the gift of their enthused excitement and involvement in the rearing of Shae. I don't know what more I could ask for!
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