The Wildish Man

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Clarissa Pinkola Estes states in her book, "Women Who Run With The Wolves" that "there is no one a wildish woman loves better than a mate who can be her equal", and that if women want their men to truly know them, then they must teach their men some of the deep knowing. Clarissa also proposes women who say they are tired of trying to teach men the deep knowing, are women who are trying to teach men who do not care to learn. 
As I read those words, I saw in my mind's eye, the proverbial brick wall I was prone to bashing my head against in another lifetime, another relationship. It made sense. Wisdom I was not ready for back then (I could barely bring myself to read the story of Manawee, the Wild Man as told by Clarissa). Perhaps if I had faced up to the challenge back then, I would have better understood why I hurt so. Clarissa explains this by saying "Those who are not delighted by learning, those who cannot be enticed into new ideas or experiences, cannot develop past the roadpost they rest at now. If there is but one force which feeds the root of pain, it is the refusal to learn beyond this moment."
So what is the wildish man like? He is one who seeks out the dual nature of the wildish feminine, that he may know a wildish woman's whole. Such a man also possesses a dual nature, a human nature and an animal nature. His human self alone is not sufficient to stay pace with a wildish woman, he must use his instinctual, animal nature too. It is the animal self which has the tenacity and instinct to "burrow under walls and to find, to chase, and to retrieve valuable ideas". The wild man who wishes to learn, and is not easily deterred by what he discovers, returning repeatedly to understand, is a mate, or more accurately put, the mate, for a wyld womyn. 
According to Clarissa, the task of the wildish man is to discover the woman's true dual feminine nature, and to use that deep knowing to walk alongside her, rather than misuse such knowledge to seize power over her. He is to let this knowing "wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him". And he is to stay with it, as in the end both will be rewarded with a strong union of duality as a whole.
I have but touched upon this issue, so in closing I will leave you with two important tools to add to the wildish repertoire. The first one is "What do you want?". Asking this question of another, or oneself can aid in ascertaining what is wanted. However it does not address the dual nature and so must be used with the second tool, which is "What does your deeper self desire?". Together these two questions communicate "I hear you, I see you, I know you." And so thus the mating is complete, between the dual natures of  the wild woman, of the wild man, and of each other.

This blog post was published in
Whole Woman Magazine, December 2012

Fuck Australia Day.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Here's some history on Invasion Day.

Seriously. After knowing the truth of Australia's colonisation invasion, how can one in good conscience, celebrate Australia Day?

The normalising of the abnormal

Sunday, January 1, 2012
A toothbrushing epiphany:

After raising two children within the blurry fog of domestic violence, the experience of raising another child outside that has been a normalising of the abnormal. How strangely alien this process has been. Each time I experience a hefty whack of normal, I have epiphanies about how removed from life I was, living with an abuser.

Take toothbrushing for instance. What could possibly be so exciting about toothbrushing? A baby's first toothbrush session that is what! I was talking to Shae about brushing her teeth before bed when the older two heard me and just came rushing in to the bathroom. Kalea and Tyger looked so animated, faces flushed with excitement and were ready to be COMPLETELY INVOLVED in Shae's first toothbrushing experience.

That is when it struck me. Being totally and completely interested in being involved in your child's journey is something I never had the pleasure of sharing with the ex. Whether he was incapable of it or just not that interested, or both, it wasn't normal. It saddens me how the abnormal became normal for me over these seven foggy years.

Shae is precious. She has given me the opportunity to normalise the experience of mothering and raising a child. Kalea and Tyger are precious. They have given me the gift of their enthused excitement and involvement in the rearing of Shae. I don't know what more I could ask for!

Addiction: Gaming

Thursday, September 8, 2011
Well whaddya know? Gaming has been shown to be actually addictive in the same sense that say heroin, or crack is addictive. Yes that is right! An addicted drug user and an addicted gamer both share the same neurobiological behaviour as shown in a study that looked at brain scans of addicted drug users and gamers. (1) Another study found that certain images or "cues" from certain games were able to invoke cravings in addicted gamers (2).

1. Ko, C.-H., Liu, G.-C., Hsiao, S., Yen, J.-Y., Yang, M.-J., Lin, W.-C., Yen, C.-F., et al. (2009). Brain activities associated with gaming urge of online gaming addiction. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 43,(7), pp. 739-747. Source
2. Ko, C.-H., Liu, G.-C., Yen, J.-Y., Chen, C.-Y., Yen, C.-F., & Chen, C.-S. (2011). Brain correlates of craving for online gaming under cue exposure in subjects with Internet gaming addiction and in remitted subjects. Addiction Biology. Retrieved from Source

Further Reading (has extracts from research on this page) (introduces you to the concept of the Skinner Box, a psychological mechanism used by certain gaming companies - think of it like nicotine for cigarettes) (farmville addiction lol)

The commodification sheep(les)

Monday, July 4, 2011
Commodification is a fundamental aspect of capitalism, where relationships are transformed into commerical relationships of exchange or of profit and loss. Here we have a good example of this - the commodification of sheep eating grass.

There's a profit to be had in a nation of sheeples. Prior to capitalism, I imagine there were sheeples just for the sake of being sheeples. Easier to control, direct and influence according to whatever scam society had going at the time.

But with the advent of capitalism, we have chaching! $$ potential in every orifice possible. Here buy this cheap useless product which helps you squat in the bush easier to poop. Here ask your doctor for this medicine that you don't really need. Here's the hospital,  have your baby in it and utilise all the technology you possibly can cos babies will drop like flies worldwide if you don't. Here's a survey, we would like to hear your input to improve maternity services for women cos we are going to do what we want anyway but it is democratic to get your feedback and make you feel like you, the little peeps helped to form the laws. Oh, and don't forget to pay your (family member/friend/neighbour/) babysitter for being a present adult while you pop out to gather food and get a little bit of hottie on the side (better pay him for his poolside services too!).


The freedom of Maternality

After seven years in a relationship with an abusive man boy, it was something of a relevation when I looked down at 2 month old Shae and realised something about her. It was not that she was my very own, but more that she was a gift that came with absolutely no strings attached. She was free, and so was I. It may seem like such a little thing but in terms of what women get in our society, it is oh such a big thing. It is beyond priceless.  It is the maternal line of old, before the Church came along and laid claim to women and to the children borne of women.

With Kalea and Tyger, I parented them as a solo mother in a relationship with someone who wasn't much of a partner let alone a parent. When we separated, I came to realise it was only through my own efforts that Kalea and Tyger got to see their father. He continued to be a non-parent. And now regardless of the reality of him as a non-parent, and because our patriarchal society regards fatherhood as a status rather than an activity, he gets to tug on those strings connecting him to two of the children I birthed and raised, whenever he wants. Given the patterns of his behaviour in the past regarding contact it would seem he only bothers to contact me about them is when he has a sudden attack of guilts, regret, depression, loneliness, or even boredom. Strings I can't snip cos it is his right as a father to be able to see his children. The same children he abused and terrified. Just lovely.

So as I gazed at all the light in Shae's eyes, there it was. Pure, unadulterated freedom, hers and mine. Screw patriarchy and its ideological propaganda!

Ten babies!

Friday, July 1, 2011
Today Kalea and I were squishing and smiling with Shae. I wanted Shae all to myself and Kalea wanted to take her off me for a cuddle. I told her to go away, Shae was mine and that when Kalea grew up she could have her own.

Kalea was grumbling about that when I said "Ohhh I so totally want another one!" while cooing over Shae..... and guess what Kalea said?

... "Well, I want TEN of those!"

Cracked me up. That is EXACTLY what I said to my gran when she asked if I thought one was enough! I remember the exact moment and position right outside my grandparent's house, on the driveway next to a gum tree.
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